Chemo Round #1

Let the drip begin!

I'm sure that every one has wondered how things are going so this is my one stop shopping attempt. Okay, maybe not shopping but one stop notification attempt??? LOL

The port was put in on Tuesday, January 5th, and the relief I felt about it not protruding too far under my skin quickly faded as the pain set in. I'm not sure what they do to you during that procedure but I can tell you that it hurts. And it hurts bad! I came to asking for pain meds if that tells you anything.

I wrote KEEP on both breast so there would not be any confusion on exactly what surgery they were attempting to do. For some odd reason I got worried about that place you initial giving them permission to treat you so I wanted to make sure they didn't go that extra mile in an attempt to help me!!!! Plus I had told the nurse I was thinking about doing it & she cracked up. She encouraged me to do it and said they love patients like me. Well, if I can make you laugh & give myself peace of mind that is not a problem.

Thursday I had my hair chopped off. Gabe did a wonderful job and gave me the cutest necklace. I'll post pictures of it sometime in the future. It made me sad to see the locks fall to the floor because I felt like I looked like a patient now. I had to remind myself of all the reasons it was better to just get rid of it now. It's been super easy to take care of which has been a huge plus. And it is cute but I just miss my hair....

Friday was chemo day. I think a shot of something strong would have helped but I can't drink that early in the morning and I was afraid to take a pain pill or xanax prior to treatment so.... WRONG MISTAKE! If you have drugs, TAKE THEM if you ever have to go through this. I was popping a pain pill after the nurse about sent me into outer space from the pain of finding the middle of my port. It is still sore from surgery and him lightly feeling for it hurt so when he pressed down to insert the IV I yelled and balled up my fist. I think my eyes even watered for a minute. He swears next time won't be that bad and he better be right or we are scrapping in the parking lot!!!! LOL

It was a long day and nothing like I thought. They give you all kinds of junk prior to the actual chemo drugs which Amber named White Russian and Gin & Tonic due to their coloring. Not to mention little Ms. Sensitive started itching so the chemo was turned off and another 25 mg of Bendryl was dripped into me. I was pretty much a goner by then especially with the pain med in my system.

There was an emotional moment when he first plugged me up. You know it's you but denial is strong and it just seems like it shouldn't be you being plugged up. Shouldn't be anyone but when it's you... it just shouldn't be.... everyone says you have to fight and I don't feel like I'm fighting. I just feel like I'm going through a series of events via a bad, bad dream. Being tired doesn't feel like fighting. Throwing up doesn't feel like fighting. Sleeping through a fever & chills doesn't feel like fighting. But I guess I am. Just wish it felt like I was doing something major to help myself.

The nausea hit Friday night. It was rough for a few hours then sleep finally won the battle over nausea so there were a few hours of relief. Saturday did not seem so bad but the fever, chills, coughing, and just miserable ran strong. Everything taste different and even smells different.

Saturday night the fever spiked and I could feel myself burn. My throat was parched. My lips felt like they were going to split open. I wanted to stop shaking. I wanted to be warm and I wanted sleep to come be my friend again. I dozed and then the fever went down to 98.9 so there was relief in that.

Sunday I thought I had it made. I woke up feeling better and then the ugly nausea hit me again. I throw up my cereal, took another pill, and curled back up in bed. At some point I wanted to rip the port out and just take whatever natural time I have left because this was just the first dose. Part of me thinks it is going to get a lot worse and the other part of me thinks I'll tolerate it better next time. I don't know but sleep claimed me before I actually made any movement to pull the port out! I went to sleep that night chanting "You can deal with anything for three days. Tomorrow will be better."

And Monday finally came... it was better. Not full of energy but not burning with a fever and full of misery with every breath. I watched a movie, drank a smoothie, and felt like the worst was over for now. I was right. Today has been even better!

Nausea doesn't realize it yet but it will become my friend. I refuse to let it ruin every day. And I refuse to be addicted to anti-nausea meds by the end of chemo... if one can be addicted to such a thing?? So today it is ginger ale, crackers, banana smoothie, ginger tea, and small amts of food. I finally had to give in and take half a pill. Pregnant women deal w/ nausea for months on end surely I can find a way to deal with it for a few months!

I'm prepared for this next weekend. It'll be broth, jello, pudding, popsicles, and bread. No heavy foods. Comfort foods will be ready! I need more info on smoothies because they are what tasted best but anything cold seemed to work. I'm also taking nausea med as soon as I get home Friday and first thing Sat morning! No waiting to see if I feel sick so we'll see if being proactive makes a difference. I hope it does!!!!!

Back to the couch with a pepsi float because... well, they taste good to me! ;)